Archives for the month of: November, 2010

I seek Knowledge above all else.

This past week or so has been very challenging and was pretty messy emotionally while I was in it but it has moved me. I have recognized things within myself that were uncomfortable to look at but which resulted in greater freedom, greater awareness and a need for greater responsibility. It has been rewarding. Movement is taking place. I am that much closer and more available to Knowledge. I am freer and more unburdened. Doing this inner work brings greater understanding. It brings me into greater relationship with my True Self, Knowledge and my Teachers.

It is about relationship, joining and reclaiming my participation with what is real. It is about recognition. The recognition of separation and what maintains that separation.

It also shows me that I have a responsibility for my condition. I need to be aware that when I am going through great discomfort regarding my errors from the past and recognition regarding my current thinking that I must stay with it, be honest and penetrate what is there. This process yields more than I think possible while I am in it. While I am in it I have a tendency to want to escape it. But it is necessary. It is a great unburdening.

My Teachers are already aware of my errors. I’m the one that needs to be aware of my errors. I am the one that needs to make the leaps in understanding and comprehension. I am the one who needs to participate in this relationship with Knowledge as a free and unburdened part of a greater reality. Only in this way can I contribute.

My desire to be of service must be grounded in Knowledge and not in imagination or fantasy regarding what this will be or look like or how I will be recognized or singled out or whatever other ideas based in separation I have about being part of the New Message from God. It is not about me. It is about the Message. It is about reclaiming inherent relationships and the Source while in the world. This is what must be contributed, not my individuality, my ideas, my expectations, etc. They are not only useless but a great hindrance in this arena.

I seek Knowledge above all else.

 

Step 279 I must experience my freedom to realize it.

Committing an Indiscretion:

True freedom lies in Knowledge and is freedom from my personal mind’s chaos, fear, desire and insecurities which are based in separation. And a separated mind is a fearful mind. It is not free. My tendency toward indiscretion is sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly moving into my awareness for consideration and resolution. It can be an uncomfortable process. When I become aware of this tendency that is based on weakness I sometimes feel embarrassed and want to hide from it. If I have committed an indiscretion – shared too much – I want to take it back so others will not see my error.

In chapter 7 of Wisdom from the Greater Community Volume II titled “Discretion” it asks…

“Can you recall a time when you said something and then regretted saying it? Can you recall a time when you said something to someone and then realized that it was the wrong thing to say? Perhaps it was wrong for them or it revealed too much about you.”

I recently committed the “revealed too much about you” error. After this occurred, which I can not take back, I felt really uncomfortable. I had to face this discomfort. I did not feel strong or free. I felt confused and wanted to validate my action in some way but as I looked at this honestly I knew I could not. That information is now out there. It was a painful lesson. Clearly I am in the process of change, growth and unlearning and this process is not an easy one. It requires a greater honesty from me than I have practiced in the past.

Step 279 of Steps to Knowledge says, “To have genuine stability in the world, you must identify with Knowledge and allow Knowledge to demonstrate its power, its efficacy and its benevolence within the world.” I must experience this stability and freedom to realize it. It goes on to say, “Do not let fear or ambivalence dominate you this day. You are practicing freedom and exercising it, for you can only be free when you are still inside, and if you are still inside you are free already.”

When I committed this indiscretion I was clearly not still. What was I trying to accomplish by sharing this personal information? What was my motivation? In the chapter “Discretion” it reveals part of the motivation, “…your desire to communicate is more a desire to release energy and to unburden yourself than it is to effectively change or impact others. …The wise person must use discretion at all times.” So, inherently it is a selfish act and it is not wise. It does not help another, it weakens me and it made me very uncomfortable.

Part of the process of becoming free is feeling the sting of my mistakes enough so that I do not repeat them again. I must experience this fully. I cannot emotionally afford to make these mistakes. The cost is very high. I feel it very acutely. This is the reckoning that is required to gain freedom. True freedom comes with abiding with Knowledge. Knowledge does not need to express itself recklessly. It is still and certain. It does not need reassurance, validation, attention or recognition. It is whole and complete. I must learn to connect with my deeper mind – Knowledge – and gain stability within my personal mind. It is way too uncomfortable not to and it does not serve.

I must experience my freedom to realize it.

 

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