Now here is a step in which I have made numerous and serious mistakes.

I wanted to have a marriage but was not really ready for it. I have seriously tried to make this work and I was not successful and it was heartbreaking and very disappointing at times. I thought having this in my life would bring many things to me. Companionship, social acceptance, stability, fulfillment.

It was not fulfilling. The relationships were strained and did not provide what I had hoped. I wondered why so many others seemed able to have this and I was not.

Why strive for relationships in the world when genuine relationships will come to you as you are prepared? To understand this, you must have great faith in the power of Knowledge within yourself and within others. As this awareness grows, the basis for your striving and desperate pursuits will fall away, making true peace and accomplishment possible for you.”

What I was searching for was a deep meaningful connection with another. Romance in itself does not create meaning. It does not create connection. A relationship based on romance does not create these things. Meaning, direction and purpose must come from within and be prompted by Knowledge. Not by my desires, beliefs, cultural conditioning or the expectations of others.

Now I see relationships of this nature are not intended for me. I accept this. I no longer seek romance. I seek something deeper. This Teaching is intended for me and provides the depth, meaning and purpose for which I was searching. However ill-defined my contribution is within it. Right now my contribution is practice. My contribution is in gaining strength in Knowledge. It can be a messy process. It can be confusing. There is much to undo. But for me it is also very rewarding and compelling and provides more than a romantic relationship ever did or could.

You do not need to seek for relationship. You need only give yourself to your preparation and have confidence that people will come to you when you need them. This will require that you assess your needs in contrast to your wishes. If your wishes do not represent your genuine needs, then you will confuse your life terribly. You will place a burden upon yourself and upon those with whom you are engaged that can only oppress them, and you as well. Without this oppression, people will be free to come to you as you truly need them.”

So I practice. I settle into my current solitary life. I look. I listen. I change.

Relationships will come to me when I am prepared.