Getting even with God. Trying to make separation work. Being angry about being in a separated state. This step takes some penetration to even begin to understand. I don’t think I got close to understanding it the first time around. I’m just beginning to penetrate this Step.

I think about how angry I was at times in my life and took that anger out on the environment and the people closest to me. How angry I have been at being here in a body. Angry with my body and not treating it well. Angry with certain people, my circumstances, the difficulties and the struggles.

“Do not try to get even with God by being a miserable person… by making the world destitute… by refusing to love and accept yourself… by ruining your relationships for your own selfish purposes.”

Wow. Selfish purposes. My relationship with nature, the world and others. My relationship with my mind and body. My relationship with God.

Trying to make separation work and being angry and disappointed when it doesn’t and then becoming destructive.

“Therefore accept that you have lost the battle against God. In your defeat is your greatest victory… Do not try to get even with God today by reinforcing an idea about yourself based solely upon error and assumption…”

By going deeper within to the source of Spiritual Power I can look at myself and the world with more objectivity, more compassion, more understanding. Trying to get even with God is a sad desperate situation. It leads to more of the same.

I will remember to listen deeply today. Watch, listen. Slow down. Be present. Be still. Work with it.

“The mind is fixed in a certain structure until it is utilized for other purposes. Do not accept this structure as your reality… it is a structure you have imposed upon it (the mind). Its real inward harmony and nature seek only to be expressed.”

Being objective with my mind, beliefs, ideas, assumptions. Looking at them. Observing them. Going deeper. Joining with my True Self. Utilizing my mind differently, as a vehicle for the expression of Knowledge. It is not about glossing over what is there. It is facing it, not judging it and really feeling the impact of whatever discomfort, error, etc is there and then making the necessary adjustments and changes.

Facing it lessens its hold on me. To go to a deeper source I must go through my own mind. I must see what is there in order to work with myself and others effectively, compassionately, objectively.

Today I will not try to get even with God.